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A Great Place To Buy Trees Online
Click for information on CORONA VIRUS CHANGES and the best way to get information about your order.
Due to volume of calls Please email us. We are still open but very abnormal times means very abnormal service. Delivery is 5-25 working days depending on how apocalyptic the UK is.
Dual Perspective Brexit Update
Do to long term "idiotic/strong and stable government" decisions at No 10, we now cannot send trees to Northern Ireland, EU OR Channel Islands. The "flaming faeces/oven ready deal" created by "WOO WAAH BLAH/Supreme leader" means the only planting you can do is with our flag.
MARCH 5th Last Day For Ordering Rootball Options Over 2m Tall.
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Possible Naming Origins Of The Crimson King Maple Tree
Henry 8th (or VIII to the purists, pronounced "Vyyy" to those that do not know the Roman Numeral system) was well known for his high meat and low fibre diet which caused him severe constipation issues. None of these episodes were private due to King Henry having a "Groom Of The Stool" who oversaw the whole toileting process. He would be so intimately involved that he could see Henry go through every shade of Crimson as he pushed, grunted, contorted and screamed.
It is rumoured that one day, when walking through the well tended gardens of the castle, he bumped into the head gardener who seemed to have a naming problem with a tree he had developed. Offering to help, Groom Of The Stool asked to see the leaf. Noticing the colour, he described the similarity with Henry's face. The gardener decided Crimson King was a better option than Stuck Sh*t Tree.
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Know someone who oils himself up and screams about dining in hell to 299 mates? Buy them a Spartan Apple Tree
Your Catholic Priest gave you something more than confession, say thanks with a Cardinal Crab
Need to drop a hint the World does not revolve around them, gift a Magnolia Galaxy
Reassure them they never went overboard with the sunbed then buy a Golden Beauty
Friend happy with augmentation surgery, send her a great pear. See all our Fruit Pear Trees
If the recipient has delusions of Royalty, get them a Prinz Handjery or a Crimson King
A friend confused by garden access? Then buy them a Howgate Wonder
Want to send a passive aggressive comment about mental agility, send a Sloe
Want to let your friends know your dislike of James Dyson, send them Broom
You have a smelly room mate who doesn't shower, get a Beauty Of Bath
Got a boss that cannot make a decision on their own, get them a Conference
Want to say her social class will always be low, say it with Common Beech
Know someone who makes mountains out of mole hills, buy them an Evereste
A friend who is a fan of Kelsey Grammar, get them some Fraser Fir trees
Drop a hint they need more sun, send a Tai Haku Great White
Want your children to move out and see the World then buy them Gypsy Mirabelle
She won't go to get her liver tested, drop a hint with Yellow Bird
Had a romantic fling at a prestige sporting event, send them an Olympic Flame
Accidentally Offensive Tree Gifts
Certain combinations of tree gift and recipient can cause offence, pitfalls to avoid include:
Gets emotional about their height do not buy Dwarf Weeping Willow.
Caught watching your neighbour topless sunbathing, don't gift an Admiration Crab Apple
A friend recently had to have a Biro removed by a proctologist, do not get them Aspen.
Turning up to your Mother In Laws funeral with a Cornus Florida Cloud Nine.
Buying Elder for someone with a much younger partner.
Anyone in UKIP, a European Larch
Anyone who has had a house fire do not get Flame Grape Vine
If your mate suffers with erectile dysfunction in the Autumn, do not buy October Glory
Someone fearful of the World coming to an end, don't buy Sunburst Cherry Tree
Failed breast surgery and a weeping pear
Bad news from the Sexual Health clinic Prunus Ichiyo
A builder sensitive about bending over, Betula Moonbeam
Your friends had their budgie kidnapped by a bird of prey? Stay away from Peregrine Peach.
Friends in North UK just finished weightwatchers? Don't send Scotch Dumpling
Some Questions We Had Trouble With
We want a cheap solution to my neighbours ugly fence, what do you suggest?.... "Close one eye when walking down the garden path, close the opposite one when walking back up".
We want trees that block out noise, what do you have?..... "A twig from any of our trees jammed into your ear is effective".
Your webpage says tree delivery is in August, can we have one earlier? ....."Sure, is July 53rd good for you?"
I would like a practical tree present for elderly Nan.....We suggest something low growing, they are much easier to climb.
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Autumn Planting Bare Root Duo Apple Trees
Autumn is a great time to plant trees for many reasons e.g. the earth is warm and the roots establish well, dry conditions are less of a problem, competing weeds are less of an issue and many more. This is the reason we grow August to August. Planting in Spring is just popular, not the best option for the tree.
Bare Root Products
Cheaper bare root trees (comes with no pot or compost surrounding the roots) are only available for delivery from November to March/very early April.
Two different apple varieties on one tree. Cheaper, saves space, heavier crops and more choice.
A wide range to choose from and discount for multiple purchases.
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Why Buy Trees From Trees Online?
Lots of reasons which include, limited FREE TREE WARRANTY, mostly free delivery, bulk tree order discounts, we need your business due to mortgage addiction and you are here now, finding another tree website is just hassle.
All Year Round Planting
You can plant our containerised trees (minus the pot of course...yes we get asked) all year round. Bare root trees come without a pot or soil surrounding the roots and they can only be planted November to March, sometimes early April.
Cell grown plants 20-60cm up to 7 working days on average. Fruit and Ornamental trees up to 21 working days, average is 7. Mature Trees up to 28 working days but average is 14 to 21. Busy times such as Spring and Autumn can extend delivery times and if the couriers ration capacity (e.g. Covid lockdown) for larger boxes it can be a lot longer. You do not need to be at home for your order to be delivered.
Specific Tree Requirements
Should you have specific tree requirements or questions you are welcome to email us here for an answer from the tree consultant.
FREE UK MAINLAND DELIVERY *except Scottish Highlands
If you live in the Grampians, add this surcharge
If you live in the Highlands, add this surcharge
If you live in the Scottish Islands, add this surcharge
If you live on the Isle of Wight add this surcharge
All addresses in zone 1 (except Isle of Wight) are free delivery, Zone 2 and 3 attract a surcharge. Click here or the thumbnail for a map and explanations of which post codes belong to which zones. Call us on 0800 043 1057 (+44 1623 812 711) or click here to email, for surcharge costs.
If you would like trees delivered to the EU, please organise another referendum.