Fruit Tree Policy
Strictly only one fruit tree per plot. Describing two trees on your plot application form as “a pear” will only work until inspection time.
Grottingham Allotment Association Newsletter — Edition 1
Strange Men Onsite
The ladies are asked to please report incidents of strange men onsite, not ask for their number.
Too many strange visitors? Our security hedges are a prickly solution.
Dwarfing Apple Trees
Plot holders are reminded that only dwarfing apple trees are allowed onsite and calling them Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dox, Bashful, Happy or Dopey doesn’t make them allowed.
For apples with less fuss, read our apple tree buying guide.
Committee Room Update
Despite the rumours circulating within the allotment members group, chairs are not being removed from the committee room to be replaced with fence panels due to all committee members spending more time sitting on the fence.
The Grassroots Movement
Members are reminded that anyone found defecating on their lawn will face sanctions and you are not protected by any UN charter by claiming political persecution because it was a “grassroots movement”.
If your grassroots movement left the ground boggy, meet Amelanchier canadensis.
Long Hose Required
Female plot holder seeks someone with a long hose capable of reaching the bottom of her garden.
Short hose? Try a drought-tolerant Weeping Cotoneaster instead.
Trestle Table Offer
Well known female plot holder with trestle table and easy-to-spread legs requires anyone for a few hours.
Prime Thyme Giveaway
Apologies for any confusion about a free recent giveaway. We were giving away surplus prime thyme, not an Amazon subscription.
Prime Thyme sold out? Go nuts with our Cosford Filbert instead.
Plot Moronitors
The plot inspections team have asked that allotment holders refrain from inviting inspectors in by saying “Please goose step this way” and to stop vandalising the plot monitor parking signs to read “plot moronitors”.
The Grottingham District
