Grottingham Allotment Association Newsletter — Edition 3

The allotment committee has decided to bring all local policies inline with national ones. To that end, everyone is to remove all bird netting from the premises by the end of the month so we can achieve net zero.

We apologise for the demo given on bush trimming, we had no idea the presenter was accidentally booked from a local body waxing studio.

Due to a recent visit from the police, members are reminded that the RHS advice of a southern exposure being good for your plums is not recommending nude sunbathing.

Could everyone wish young John a speedy recovery after his attempt at smoking weed. His coughing fit injuries were caused by a dandelion spliff.

There have been complaints about naked sunbathing onsite and overgrown bushes. Please stop this immediately and trim soonest.

If a member has a problem with excessive suckering we suggest rubbing one off.

Recently divorced female seeks hedge experienced man for long term laying job.

Male with endurance needed for long wheelbarrow session.

You have only have a few days left to finish planting your herb garden and seed stocks are low so everyone is running out of thyme.