Grottingham Allotment Association Newsletter — Edition 6

Voting has closed for the sexiest plot member and the scarecrow won.

Want a real head-turner? Try Pink Perfection Cherry.

There is a presentation coming up about repairing rain butts, those with a large butt crack and excessive leaking are invited to join. Due to some members having extra large butts, we have ordered some wider chairs.

Put a rain barrel next to salix fragilis for a butt crack willow look

Some of our older male members have complained about difficulties in getting wood and have asked if some of the younger ladies could give them a hand until sufficient hardwood is achieved because the older ladies tend to only produce softwood.

Need hardwood that lasts? Try Hornbeam.

Due to a recent incident, members are reminded to restrict activities to their own beds unless invited in. Being caught in another mans bed and claiming you were only checking moisture levels resulted in a heated situation.

Too many visitors in your bed? Get some prickly Holly.

Open minded gentleman required by lady with large overgrown rear entrance needing lots of attention.

Want to hide your rear entrance? Try Portuguese Laurel Standards.

Due to the rise of dementia cases, we are finding some of our allotment community are forgetting to fill in their renewal paperwork. Please help them to stop losing the plot.

Lost the plot? Find your roots with English Oak.

We are going to need all people named “Pete” to give up their plots due to government legislation demanding all allotments needing to be Pete free.

No Pete required. Just plant a Swamp Cypress.

The allotment committee will be demonstrating how to plant ash trees on plot 9 next week so be aware of it being full of ash holes.

Fed up with Ash Holes? Try a calming Japanese Maple.