Grottingham Allotment Association Newsletter — Edition 4

In the future, when the apple competition judge requests all cox to be displayed on the table, all male members are to remain FULLY clothed.

Get your Cox out. Try Cox's Orange Pippin.

Following a sharp increase in reports of biting pests on site, three committee members are now assisting police with their enquiries.

Want something that bites back? Plant Gorse.

In an effort to challenge stereo types on the allotment, the committee head will visit each plot playing music and ask you to justify your audio choices.

Male or female? Our Maidenhair Ginkgo challenges stereotypes.

We would like to thank the contestants who participated in the pea contest and ask those that thought it was a pee contest to wash away the mess.

Prefer to pee in private? Plant Cherry Laurel.

Mavis is responsible for all site structures so any member with erection issues should speak to her.

Trouble keeping it up? Try October Glory.

The All female recycling committee will be repurposing their collection so if you want to get your hands on some old bags, please come along.

A little past her prime? Try an Elder.

Next week, we have a series of guest lectures on colour and the landscape. From the Environment Agency, we have “More Green in the Gardening Scene”, from the Wildflower Volunteers “Getting Yellow in the Meadow”, and “Less Brown in Our Town” from the local Reform office.

Want to see red? Try Crimson King Maple.

There is a lot of interest in butt accessories so we sourced a company claiming a wide range, for more information please contact bum-fun@annsummers.com. We assume attention to detail is what they mean by anal.

Need a butt in your garden? Try Crack Willow.